As the evenings get darker I often think about a line which is sensible, important and deeply poetic: Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
It comes from the New Testament, from St Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 4:26. I asked a knowledgeable friend about this, and she researched it and said: ‘It's only found here in the Bible (although plenty elsewhere about anger). A similar phrase is also found in a text of around the same time written by the Greek philosopher Plutarch. It may have been a more generally known saying/proverb in circulation at the time, although there's not enough evidence to prove that. So apart from that the idea seems to resonate generally with people across time and space, I think the "origin" of the saying is Ephesians.’
Most people are familiar with it, and it also features in literature – for example in Little Women by Louisa M Alcott. This 19th-century book, a permanent bestseller which has enthralled generations of young people, has a deeply Christian ethos. The heroine, Jo, becomes understandably and justifiably angry with her younger sister Amy, and their mother says: “My dear, don’t let the sun go down upon your anger. Forgive each other, help each other, and begin again tomorrow.” Jo cannot bring herself to obey, and there are dramatic results.
There are other translations, as with all Biblical phrases, for example, ‘Do not stay angry all day’, and I have heard a modern version of the advice – Don’t go to bed cross – which also does the job.
There is more to it than an order from above: it’s not just about forgiving or making peace with those who wrong you. Realistically, we know that you will get a better night’s sleep if everything is sorted. It’s pretty awful to lie awake at night going over the rights and wrongs of some situation, having those imaginary conversations…
Another useful piece of advice – not quite the same - is that if you are annoyed enough to write an angry email, then do so, but put it in your drafts folder and leave it there for 24 hours. At that point, you will probably delete it and write something more peaceable.
So: Don’t go to bed cross.
Don’t press ‘send’ just yet.
In the case of Little Women, don’t get so angry with your little sister that she falls through the ice and nearly drowns.
That’s a fair set of rules to live a life by, even though St Paul, can’t have imagined the world of emails. But the sun setting hasn’t changed in 2000 years – the words resonate and count for something exactly as they did then.
Maybe sunset can be a reminder: at whatever time it comes (around 4pm right now) we can think about what we have left undone, unresolved or unhappy, and try to sort it out.
And in November that means you can enjoy a long cosy evening feeling happy in yourself, at peace with the world – and at peace with whoever annoyed you today.
Moira Redmond
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here