One intriguing debate, in the lively Chronicle Letters Page recently caught my eye. Cruisezillas! The rise of the mega-cruise ships. ‘The behemoths of the deep’ wrote one reader, ‘gorging on filthy untaxed fossil fuels, belching CO2 and methane into the air and soiling the seas’. The call for their banning, received a swift response a week later. Another contributor insisted that new ships use green energy, recycle water, and at ports plug in, and unload their waste.

Over the last 30 years, cruise ships have grown longer and wider. The largest, the Icon of the Seas, weighs 248,336 tonnes, and is 1,198 foot long. This mega floating hotel feeds and entertains 7,600 passengers at a time. Demand is increasing too, with 2.3 million luxury cruise holidays in the UK and Ireland taken last year alone.

A few weeks ago, I found myself looking up at a mega ship on the quayside in Southampton. It was about to welcome 5,200 passengers and its 1,800 staff were bracing themselves. Obscene and terrifying large with 19 decks? Or an engineering triumph that offers luxury for all?

Not being great with heights or the sea, my legs turned to jelly. This was quite awkward, as we were boarding at the time.

Yes dear Reader, I was embarking on the bucket list visit to the Norwegian fjords; the dream of a lifetime on an affordable holiday. The plan was to get closer to the ancestors and visit some of the most beautiful and UNESCO protected landscapes on the planet. But would we be able to enjoy the experience, with so many issues and contradictions floating around in our inner flotsam and jetsam?

Hell yes. And we weren’t even on the inclusive drinks package. I will be in deep water I know but it was one of the best holiday’s I’ve had.

I had intended to go in search of the Captain and ask some ‘difficult questions’. But a lot of time  kept getting taken up searching for our cabin.  We kept getting lost!  I had planned to ask staff for their views and experiences. But they were working so hard and being so professional, I thought they should be spared. I intended to interrogate Norwegians as to their views. But they were always smiling and waving at us, perhaps because the tourist season there is quite short…

There’s a long way to go for cruising to be seriously environmentally friendly although improvements have been made. Plastic has been reduced. Fuel is much cleaner. Passengers are asked to be mindful of their use of scarce resources. Food portions are smaller.

But basically the landscape and experience took over. The scenery was stunning and amongst the most spectacular I have ever seen. We went on local boat excursions at every port. I learnt so much about the Vikings. That they were not called that at the time. And why they left: Beer is £15 a pint and Xmas jumpers start at £150. We saw whale pods and basking seals and not just at the ‘eat as much as you like’ on- board buffet.

 I faced my fears and went on the world’s steepest cable car, the Leon Sky Lift. It was hideous. I cried all the way up and all the way down. I could not go anywhere near the viewing platform. But the fact that I did not urinate into my walking boats at any point makes me feel victorious. 

I also learnt the value and beauty in minimalism in our perfectly designed cute cabin which made the efficient use of space an art form.. Now I think I could quite happily live in a caravan.

Ultimately you return with the earth’s natural beauty firmly imprinted in your mind. But also its growing fragility. One of our treks was to the famous Briksdal Glacier. Since 1860s, it has receded over a mile…