WHEN a Piecaramba leaflet landed on my desk, attached with a note from my editor saying, "Here's a challenge for you!", I confidently smirked and booked a table for the following week.
As someone who lifts heavy weights and consumes around 3,000 calories per day, I laughed at the prospect of failing this challenge - the challenge to eat three pies in 10 minutes in return for a Piecaramba T-shirt and a picture on the wall of fame.
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On the day of the challenge, I received an email from pie shop owner, Rob Litchfield, asking me to send over three pies that I'd like to eat. I chose two Sweetie Pies, which contains sweet potato, roasted garlic and goats cheese, as well as a Mac To The Future, which contains macaroni cheese, sundried tomatoes and a hint of chilli. Looking back, I would have opted for something less on the carb side, but I figured having less to chew would work in my favour.
My colleagues and I wondered over to Parchment Street, where we were pleasantly greeted by Rob and his staff and taken to our table, which was more like a booth. The walls looked like a page from a comic book, with a fully-working games station mounted to the wall of each table. Characters from Toy Story hung from the ceiling and draped down onto the top of the booth and before I could finish having a nose around the room, three of the largest pies I had ever seen were staring me right in the face, followed by a jug of gravy and an apron, for my white shirt.
They arrived stacked on top of each other with mash and mushy peas in between each pie acting as cement to keep the tower from falling. I was offered a drink, which I declined. Big mistake.
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With a count of three, I got my knife and fork ready and gently placed the pies next to each other in fear of them toppling over and falling onto the floor, whilst mashing the thick pastry as much as I possibly could. Steam blew up to my face like a volcano erupting and without thinking about second-degree burns, I shovelled as much food into my mouth knowing full well I haven't got a chance in beating Daniel, who currently holds the Piescraper record of 4 minutes and 40 seconds.
Five minutes later and still trying to get as much on my fork as possible, whilst being fully aware that I'm being judged by thousands of people watching from Facebook Live as I make a complete fool of myself just so I can keep my job.
Seven minutes passes and steam is still being pushed into my face as I carry on eating despite burning my tongue within the first few seconds of starting the challenge. The temperature of the pies is starting to become uncomfortable now, and the buttons on my shirt look like they're going to pop open at any moment. I hate to admit it, but by this point I mentally admit defeat and hope my colleague, Frankie, who is holding the camera, tells me I have 60 seconds left.
The nine-minute mark finally arrives and by this point I've completely given up, but the camera is on me, and I'm feeling pressured to keep going. So here we are, 40 seconds to go, I still can't see my plate and I'm taking deep breathes to keep me from passing out. The timer finally beeps and Rob appears out of nowhere. He takes one look at me and my plate. He doesn't look impressed.
Piecaramba has a location of Winchester, Southampton and Brighton. To take on the Piescraper or dine in to enjoy one of their delicious pies, visit piecaramba.co.uk
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